NEWSPEAK Blog

Asay Explained.

The moral: Old people are stupid.

Here's hoping it's a lot like Oz.

Well, hello. Is there a certain horrible fuck that you'd enjoy sending to jail? There is? And is that horrible fuck Karl Rove? It is? Quelle chance!

Well, I suggest you get over to Send Karl Rove To Jail and sign their petition, which will be presented to the House Judiciary Committee and try to get them to hold him in contempt.

As far as I can tell, the site launched this morning and has already gotten 30,000 signatures. Add yours!

Combining my two faves.

< nerd >
1). Celebrity gossip.

2). Buffy.

So yeah, here's Trent, the author of PinkIsTheNewBlog, at Buffy's house.

And at Sunnydale High.

Both are in Torrance, CA. That is all.
< /nerd >

Reminder! Zombies!

Yep! We've got about 20 people showin' up so far. If you'd like to get zombified, do let us know in these here comments. Whee!

The Weekend Round Up that Almost Was...

Due to some unfortunate technical difficulties, our Weekend Round Up feature didn't air on KRCC today.  But fret not, for you may listen to it here.  It's almost like the Secret, but less, you know, secret.

Who watches the Watchmen?

If you haven't seen it, there's a trailer for the Watchmen movie out. The flick is due out next year despite being completely finished. For some reason, it seems they didn't want it to go up against Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Indiana Jones, and The Dark Knight. Go figure.

If you're not familiar with The Watchmen, Alan Moore's amazing graphic novel and one of the finer bits of literature to come out of comic-bookery (if not 20th century literature proper), you should suck it up and head down to your nearest comic shop for a copy. It runs about $20 of pure joy.

The Joker is my identical hand twin.

When I saw Brokeback Mountain in the theatre I kept looking down to my own hands and back up again at the screen, then extending my fingers in front of my face to make the comparison. I nudged my wife. "Heath Ledger and I are identical hand twins!" I whispered gleefully. She turned and looked at me, tears dripping into my popcorn. On the screen, Ennis has just found Jack's shirt. "What?" she said, understandably. Somehow, she didn't see the profundity of our hand-twinness, so I let it slide.

But when I learned that Ledger would be playing the Joker I was filled with a secret joy. If Ledger was my hand twin, and Ledger was the Joker, that sort of meant that I was the Joker. Right? Kind of? The thing is—after seeing The Dark Knight, I'm sort of frightened that my and the late Ledger's destinies are entwined.

In the first full scene with the unmasked Joker, he offers to mollify a group of angry thugs by doing a magic trick. "I'll make this pencil disappear," he says, and then he does, by unconventional means, and we remain terrified of him for the rest of the film. This is not the vaudeville archness of Nicholson's Joker; Ledger is entirely uninterested in anything but mayhem and chaos. His raison d'etre is simply upsetting apple-carts, if by "apple-carts" you mean "hospitals" and by "upsetting" you mean "blowing up." He is, as the Joker should be, unhinged and malevolent—not because he is evil, but because he has no moral center whatsoever.

Batman creator Bob Kane based the Joker on the character Gwynplaine in Victor Hugo's novel L'Homme qui rit ("The Man Who Laughs"), who has had his face mutilated into a clown's rictus, and it's to these roots that Nolan takes the Joker in The Dark Knight. There's no goofy trip into a vat of acid, just scars and sludgy, runny makeup and yellowed teeth that flash variously into grimace and terrifying grin. There's no backstory, just a fluid and changeable tale that makes us realize how truly crazy the Joker is. Ledger's performance is outstanding and anarchistic and genuinely scary. Where before the Joker was played with camp, here there's only menace. Where before there was Joker Venom and acid-squirting flowers, here there's only knives and guns and bombs (lots and lots of bombs). He doesn't kill because he likes killing. He kills because killing disturbs the order of things. Murder is, for him, the best avenue to bedlam.

Some folks, Christopher Nolan included, have compared Ledger's portrayal to punk icons like Sid Vicious or Iggy Pop. I don't think either of these is entirely right on, although the self-destructiveness matches. His character is unlike any in graphic novel or comic book movies, a twitchy, dogged knave whose only goal is make awry the best-laid plans of bats and men.

And yes, I tend to agree with David Denby's speculation about Ledger and the Joker, that playing the role in the way he did broke him mentally and psychologically. His Joker is flat-out insane. So, while The Dark Knight is certainly flawed—ahem, Maggie Gyllenhall—Ledger's Joker makes the whole thing worthwhile. He's done what no other Joker, from Caesar Romero's half-assed giggler (he actually refused to shave his moustache off for the role) to Mark Hamill's poet-laureate-of-snark, has been able to do, and that's to display the character in his full deranged menace.

(Oh, and don't bring the kids. This movie is really, really scary. Seriously. Two-Face: horrifying.)

(Oh, and oh—according to Slate's spoiler special, Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy has a cameo in The Dark Knight, during which he tells the Joker, "We don't bow to thugs." Yay!)

Want tickets to Blues Under the Bridge?

So let's say that you really want to attend next weekend's Blues Under the Bridge, which features Coco Montoya and tons of others. So you love the blues, you want to attend, but darn it, you're broke! How can you ever get that hot, salty blues injection you so need when you don't have two pennies to rub together?

This is where we come in. We've got two tickets to give away (a $60-some value), and all you have to do to get them is to come up with the most hilarious blues name.

A while ago, we posted the Blues Name Generator, which will help you to come up with your own blues name. The generator goes:

1) Think of the a heinous disease/debilitation.

2) Add the name of that disease/debilitation to the name of your favorite fruit.

3) Finally, choose the last name of a US president.

You'll get excellent names like Near-Sighted Watermelon Johnson, Diphallic Terata Hairberry Pierce and Crippled Fig Harrison.

Add your entries in the comments, along with your name, and we'll see to it that the winner'll be bluesin' it up like ain't nobody's business. We'll pick one next Wednesday. And keep in mind, all names must be ORIGINAL—no poaching from the Blues Generator post.

Good luck!

Introducing the new ColoradoCultureCast.com!

Please stop by ColoradoCultureCast.com and see what Craig hath wrought with the latest in Cascading Style Sheet technobabble and with pretty colors of the Luciferian rainbow oozing from his clawed fingertips. Rise to your feet and dance, proud peasants of culture!

Upcoming Newspeak Events

Saturday July 19th:   Book Club
Book club is meeting Saturday at 10am at my house (828 N. Wahsatch Ave) to finish our discussion on Tree of Smoke by Dennis Johnson. As like last time there will be food and beverages.

Sunday July 20th: Pride Ride
Meet at Rubbish Gallery at 9am for a Bloody Mary and a zombie makeup party courtesy of Zeezo's! (Please wear your own zombified clothes).

At 10:30, we'll ride to the start point at Cache Le Poudre and Tejon then ride in the parade back down to Acacia Park.


Thursday July 24th: Newspeak Happy Hour!
The second Newspeak Happy Hour is taking place at 4pm at Triple Nickel (26 S. Wahsatch).
- Half priced beer
- Newspeak trivia

See you there!

More blasts in your ass.

If you were around in the wee baby infancy of the Newspeak, you might remember a little something called Totally Freedom, the right-wing t-shirt company I was going to make. It was pretty awesome. Here's one of the designs:

Is that John Elway giving a thumbs up to a soaring eagle? Why, yes. Yes, it is.

And then there's this one, which is just a little too dead-on.

Sorry—it's memory lane today.

Scary stuff.

Have you guys ever seen those Faces of Meth things, where they show the slow deterioration the drug causes? It's scary stuff. Just say no.

Hee-hee.

Blasting even further back...

...and we find Aaron during his bachelor days in New York.

Many Bothans died to bring me this picture.

Speaking of blasts ...

Below is Greg's O-face partner-in-snark, Drew Hutchison, years earlier. I'm guessing it was during this time that he was working on his MASTERS! MASTERS! MASTERS THESIS OF PUPPETS!

And to be fair, here's my great-grandfather Cornelius, during his time as the Zwack (Nice Shoes. Wanna Zwack™?) Crabber. It's like the Gorton's Fisherman, only drunker.:

Look what I found.

It's a blast from the past, this Culture Cast from October '07. And goodness! Is that Newspeak contributor GREG REILLY? As a babyfaced college sophomore? Why, he looks fresh off the set of a community theatre production of Boogie Nights!

Yet another lost opportunity.

This has been in the rumor mill for some time, but given this 'Zette piece from yesterday, we can go ahead and weigh in on the fact that UCCS Gallery of Contemporary Art curator Christopher Lynn is leaving.

We at Newspeak love Chris, and we love what he's done for the Gallery; he's done so much to improve its image as a place for cutting-edge art, upped its web presence and fostered community involvement. He's also responsible for the Bad Art Nights, a fantastic idea that I hope does not go away.

So, there you are, Colorado Springs. This is what you get when you pull in a talented, creative, driven person and then treat him poorly, promise him things he never gets and make him subject to harassment from, er, certain people.

Best of luck to Chris and his family in everything they do in the future. We'll certainly miss him, and here's hoping UCCS can find someone of Chris' caliber and try not to lose him or her.

OMG! Watch this right now!

The moral: Don't be a dumbass.

Exploring two-dimensionality.

This is The Daily Show at their best, taking the media, the Obama campaign and "VOOOOLF BLEETZAAAH" to task over their response to the New Yorker cover picturing Barack and Michelle as terrorists:

For the record, I did find that Obama cover, incredibly, insanely offensive. But then again, I'm used to the New Yorker cover art offending me. Just look at this stuff!

Tasteless, all of it! And don't you even get me started on Sempé—there's a special place in hell for that bastard.

Bird genocide!

I have been noticing a ton of dead birds in my neighborhood, Middle Shooks Run. Twice now I've plucked bird carcasses out of my pond, have shoveled them out of my driveway and see them on a daily basis as I bike to work. Just today I nearly ran over a huge woodpecker (red-bellied, I think, but I ain't no ornitholigician) that sprawled across the bike lane. What's going on? An avian Hitler, waging war on the birds he doesn't like? Is this a Vögelkristallnacht?

Nah. It's West Nile.

A nice guy at the Department of Health told me that it's not an uncommon thing this time of year to see a big die-off in birds that are generally considered carriers of West Nile, like sparrows. (Both the birds I picked out of the pond were sparrows.) It's not uncommon in robins, either. It's when the corvids, like crows, magpies and ravens, start dying off that things look like they're getting serious.

If you're seeing dead birds, you can call and report them, where they'll be added to some sort of database. And if you're concerned about West Nile, you should visit the clever li'l Fight the Bite site (ha!), which will give you more information about the disease and what you can do to prevent it killing you and all your loved ones.

Today in the end of all creation.

Just got this press release from the city:

Smoke Alert Due to Grass Fire at Fort Carson

A grass fire at Fort Carson is producing smoke that can be seen and smelled in the air over Colorado Springs. The Colorado Springs Fire Department and 9-1-1 dispatchers request residents refrain from calling 9-1-1 to report the smoke from this fire. Firefighters are on-scene and actively working the fire at Fort Carson.

If residents visually see flames from a fire in their neighborhood they should call 9-1-1 immediately; as that fire may be separate from the incident at Fort Carson.

What's going on in the Springs this week? First the scary escaped lion, then a bear breaks into a Circuit City and now our Army base is on fire. Is this the apocalypse? The Tupacalypse? You best check Rapture Ready just in case.

Breaking: Hilarious hottie dumps awful douchebag.

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have broken up.

To celebrate, here's her telling the Aristocrats joke ...

... and singing her "Porn Song."

Hallelu!

(And yeah, neither of these is really safe for work.)

CSPD on the loose again!

Mark Lewis of CSAction.org caught this on tape in Acacia Park Saturday!

Ed's Note: I went ahead and embedded the video. Links are for suckers.

July at The Black Sheep.

Some changes were made to The Black Sheep's lineup that differ from this month's ad.

The Tickle Me Pink show (w/ The Rogue, Vegas Baby) scheduled for tonight was canceled.

meanwhile scheduled were.....

7.28 The Secret Handshake w/ Breathe Carolina, Vegas Baby

7.31 Son Ambulance w/ Agronomo, The Exploding Ticket

Lion-O!

Yes, there is a lion on the loose near Colorado Springs.

My theory, since the big cat rescue place says they're not missing any cats, is that Mayor Lion-O Rivera reverted back to his true form and will soon return to town to rule with an iron mane. I warned you!

Better undead than inequal!

That's right, kids! It's time again for Newspeak's Pride Ride!

We provide bloody marys, zombie makeup and a slot in the parade; you provide yourself, some zombified clothes, your bike and a passion for awesomeity. If you'd like to join us this year, please reserve a spot in the comments. The first 25 (or so, and there's wiggle room on this) will get made up all creepy-like, but if you'd like to do your own makeup or just ride with us sans makeup, feel free to do so. We are legion, and this is the most fun you will ever have in your whole life.

Here's a photo from last year with our Zombie Army Commander, Mike Jones. (He's the shirtless one, duh.)

And here's another one of the whole gang:

Sometimes the grass is greener because you water it.

(Warning: Do not attempt stunning metaphors like the one in the title. I am a trained professional writer.)

I spent a lovely, weirdly humid weekend in Albuquerque and was able to avail myself of some of the fantastic public facilities there, like ...

1) Natural History Museum. Space and dinosaurs rule.

2) Albuquerque Aquarium. Sharks are unequivocally awesome.

3) Rio Grande Botanic Gardens. Plants=kick-ass.

All of these are publicly owned facilities, and we've got nothing like them. We are more or less a museumless town (both Pioneers and Western Museum of Mining and Industry are fun day trips, but let's face it—they don't exactly draw folks from miles around: "Oooooh! Pyrite!") They exist, by and large, because public monies were allocated to fund their existence. They are inexpensive to enter and exceedingly popular; even in the midday heat, the Botanic Gardens were crawling. Why do we have nothing like them? Because we don't want to pay for it.

Not even the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo has the public's support. The referendum to give it increased funding was shot down by huge margins. And until we're able to overcome our disdain for public funding for arts, culture and attractions, we'll always be a second-class city. That's the sad, sad truth.

Yes, facilities like Albuquerque's Natural History Museum have corporate sponsors, as well, like Sandia Labs, who gave a ton of money for the Museum's Triassic exhibit. (And why are companies like Sandia there? Because ABQ has been adept at fostering the creative class. Doi.) But public monies are there, and few people are griping about having to pay for cool things. It's not a slippery slope, kids. Our city may be broke, but that's because we are, by and large, funding the wrong things: things like subsidized sprawl.

We're a city going through its adolescence. I think the antitax, antigay, conservatard '90s were our whiny, stompy teens. It's time for all of us to grow the hell up and start looking toward what will, in the long term, make us sustainable. That means growing out of our selfishness.

RIP, Snowjob

I would normally regret going for such an easy joke, but not this time: it seems Tony Snow's colon finally gave out under the weight of the titanic geysers of shit he spewed every day of his tawdry career.

Good riddance, you irredeemable hack.  I hope your death serves to set an example for any who might be tempted to follow in your path of compromising every known principle of journalistic integrity for the avaricious and snide satisfaction of confidence-gaming the American public.

Things to do in COS: July 11-13th

When parents are away the kids will play. Since Aaron is in Albuquerque this weekend it has fallen upon me to figure out what's going on around town this weekend.

Friday July 11th:
Iraq Veterans Against the Iraq War (IVAW) have taken over Acacia Park this weekend. They are passing out literature, selling tickets to Body of War (see Saturday for more information), and recruiting members and supporters. You can't miss them, they've erected a giant scaffolding in the middle of the park. Stop by and check them out, tell them Newspeak sent you.

Other events that are taking place today.
There is a opening reception at Rubbish Gallery of the works of Bill Star (July 11-Aug. 1) from 5:30-Midnight.

Saturday July 12th:
Colorado College Summer Dance Festival's Gala Performance is July 12th at 7:30pm. Find out more information here.

The Rocket Room is playing host to Get 3 Coffins Ready, Nicotine Fits, Evilettes, Burlesque: Vienne Va Voom and more, starts at 9pm.

Body of War is  having a one time showing at Kimball's Twin Peak at 8pm. Body of War is sponsored by Colorado Springs Iraq Veterans Against the War. This is a fund raising event to help raise awareness about the war and injured soldiers. The movie follows one wounded soldier's attempt to readjust to life in the U.S. as a handicapped veteran, while painting an incriminating portrait of Democratic politicians and the war in Iraq. Tickets can be purchased at the Twin Peak's box office or or at the IVAW tower in Acacia Park (see above.

Sunday July 13th:
Colorado College Summer Dance Festival's Gala Performance is July 13th at 7:30pm. Find out more information here.

Pikes Peak Young Composer's Concert is at 3pm at Colorado College in Packard Hall.

Have a great relaxing weekend, I'll be hiding from the heat and enjoying the music of Uncle Wilber all weekend.

Drugs Issue out today!

The Ladies and Gent of Newspeak are distributing the July issue right this moment, so be sure to pick one up today. It's chock-full of drugaliciousness, don't you doubt.

Burque says hello. I hit up the natural history museum yesterday, which has a touted new exhibit, "Dawn of the Dinosaurs," that shows off the Triassic in all its lungfishy, boring glory but also has the full skeleton of seismosaurus and a film about how huge the universe is and how tiny and insignificant you are. Both of these 'sploded my mind. (I don't know if you knew, but seismosaurs were, like, BIG. And the universe is, too.)

I had pho last night and got drunk in a sea of hipsters. Seriously, soooooo many hipsters have sprouted down here since my last visit. The Nob Hill and downtown bar scenes make Williamsburg look quaint and square.

They've also started work on the Roadrunner, the light rail that runs along I-25 from Santa Fe to points south of Albuquerque. Let's hope that Denver's and theirs connects at some point in the future so that we Springsteens can too share in the love.

Today I will go to the aquarium and eat more green chile. It just so happens that Cracker is playing tomorrow, which makes me want to claw my eyes out with joy. (I like Cracker.) Oh, and -- last night we parked next to the tour bus of a little band called Filter, who apparently are still together and apparently have more than just "Hey Man, Nice Shot" in their repertoire. It's a '90s explosion in the 505! And I am a-okay with that.

DENIED!: The fatuous confessions of the iPhone deprived

Well, today marks the launch of Apple's iPhone 3G. At long last, I can finally buy a mobile phone that is just as pretentious as I am. So, because Colorado Springs remains one of the largest metropolitan areas in the country without an Apple retail store, I drove down south to the AT&T Global Bloodsucking Wireless Conspirator store early enough to pick me up a spanking new iPhone.

No dice. They sold out of available units after about 40 minutes, leaving me to hold my penis in shock. Oh well, at least I made it to work on time.

And, in other news, the Newspeak Drugs issue comes out today and features a sloppy polemic on the War on Drugs authored by yours truly. It's not three dozen dirty haikus, but at least it's angry. Word.